JA & GB: In A Film, So They’re Definitely Doing It

http://www.hecklerspray.com/jennifer-aniston-gerard-butler-in-a-film-so-theyre-definitely-doing-it/200937309.php

There’s a reason why Jennifer Aniston is one of the highest-earning actresses in Hollywood. No, not her hair.

No. Jennifer Aniston is so well paid is because she gets all the best-looking male co-stars. And why does Jennifer Aniston have the best-looking male co-stars? Because she has sex with them all. Definitely. It’s in her contract. “Must have sex with hunky co-star more than once, preferably while dressed as medieval Spaniards” it says.

Oh, alright, it doesn’t. But everyone thinks that Jennifer Aniston shags her co-stars. And that might explain why Gerard Butler has been looking so insufferably smug lately.

Jennifer Aniston needs to find a nice man to settle down with. And that’s not because we respect Jennifer Aniston as a person or feel personally invested in her happiness. It’s because writing about how she’s probably going with every single man who she’s ever been in a film with is starting to drive us a little bit potty.

First, obviously, there was Vince Vaughn and their lovely relationship that suspiciously seemed to last from the beginning of The Break-Up’s theatrical promotional cycle to the end of The Break-Up’s DVD promotional cycle. But that’s not all - Jennifer Aniston has also been linked with her He’s Just Not That Into You co-star Bradley Cooper.

And, although the rumours of an affair between Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson during the filming of Marley & Me turned out to be false, we do sometimes like to imagine that she fondled the dog in an act of drunken desperation once. Even though, for the sake of legal clarity, this almost definitely didn’t happen.

Anyway, now Jennifer Aniston is filming The Bounty with Gerard Butler, so… oh, look, we all know where this is going. Why don’t you take the 45 seconds that you would have otherwise spent reading the remainder of this article and do something productive? Phone your mother. Go and hold a door open for somebody. Ask your colleagues about their children. Honestly, you’ll feel much better for it.

No? Still here? Fine. Here’s what The Daily Mail thinks about this alleged Jennifer Aniston/ Gerard Butler romance:

A source on the set told the U.S. magazine Star: ‘Let me put it this way, they’re both hot and single! After they finish a scene, they stick around so they can hang out with each other. Neither is in a rush to leave. Jen and Gerard often practice kissing scenes even after the cameras stop rolling. Jen will say: “I think we need to do that again.” She says Gerard’s a great kisser.’

So here’s what we’ve learnt. Firstly, judging by that quote, The Bounty seems to be staffed exclusively by 12-year-old girls. Secondly, every time Jennifer Aniston makes a film, she gets romantically linked with whoever stars opposite her and, regardless of how true the stories are, they only really succeed in making her look progressively more desperate and lonely.

So, to reiterate, Jennifer Aniston needs to find a nice man to settle down with. Because if she doesn’t, there’s a slight chance that we might feel a fleeting moment of sympathy for her. And when that happens, it’ll bloody well be the end of us.