Customer helpline, may I help you?

It's old and crude, but in a very understandable way.

Namaste and enjoy.

Technician: "Welcome to the customer helpline, may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my software."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"
Cust: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech: "Went away?"
Cust: "They disappeared."

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Cust: "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in the software, or did you get out?"
Cust: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Cust: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Cust: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Cust: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Cust: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Cust: "Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Cust: "Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Cust: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Cust: "Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Cust: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Cust: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Cust: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"
Cust: "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Cust: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"
Cust: "Because there's a power failure."

Tech: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Cust: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Cust: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Cust: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too f****g stupid to own a computer."

The ending of this true story is that the customer service technician was fired. But it still puts a smile on many a face.